I never thought...

I never thought it would take this long to find someone...
I never thought it would be so hard to find someone I'm compatible with...Someone I'm attracted to, someone who can make me laugh, someone who works hard, someone who is sweet and romantic, someone who is great father and just a great person in general...
I never thought I would be 30 and still not re-married... Only God knows how truly bad I want that! Someone to love me and my kids and complete my family...

Dating and putting yourself out there is really hard the second time around.. stakes are raised.. most everyone has kids now and that in itself makes things more tricky.. things are taken a bit more slow.... no one is willing to just rush into anything.. No one wants to get hurt, no one wants to take a risk, no one wants to end up in divorce AGAIN!!

And then there is finding someone you believe is your soul mate and having him live in a whole other state... Ugh.. it's hard!!
It hasn't been an easy road in the love department for me but I really think I have found the one.. he sees me for me! My crazy self and loves me and lets me be me. He thinks I'm funny, smart and beautiful.. He loves spending time with me and he loves spoiling me! He has taken me on so many wonderful trips and we have seen and gone on so many adventures in our short year and half of dating..

We have quite the back story too.. I have known him basically my whole life, since I was about 12 and I had the biggest crush on him and even had a picture of him in my desk drawer until I moved out of my parents house.. he was my older brother's best friend and I was the little girl who always came in the room when he came over.. lol.. Some would say it's meant to be... and I would like to believe it too.. :)

No one knows what tomorrow will bring and no is guaranteed a happy ending these days but I really feel like I deserve one..  and I really hope it happens for me while I'm still young enough to enjoy it.. Sometimes I feel like I haven't even lived yet and my life is half over.. It scares me! There is so much I want to do, but I don't want to do it alone anymore.. Im sooooo sick of being alone...  I want my happy life to begin, damnit!!
I know I have so much to offer now as a wife.. I have learned so much and know myself so much better.. I'm more confident and know what it is I want. I know how i want to be and how much i will cherish every moment of our time together...

Very much in love and putting myself out there on ledge, hoping he will be there to catch me cause I've fallen...

Lots on the mind tonight...